Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Job Description for Parents

Some of you may probably have already read this before. This is hilarious! I got this from my son's Sunday school teacher, who said she received this one day in her email. Longish, but loads of fun! Enjoy reading, everyone!

POSITION:
Mommy
Daddy
Or preferred title
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not from someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job-training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunites for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

16 comments:

Jesusa said...

nice one!

Mei Teng said...

Mommies and daddies never retire! :)

betchai said...

" While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunites for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right."
===so true Che, a job that you don't get paid, but you pay for it, yet the happiness abounds and incomparable.

ladyviral said...

hahaa! This is funny~

Mums and Dads for the win :).

Willie said...

Such a heavy duty of parents. Hahahlershals

Bonnie Bonsai said...

Right! Ah Cherie so much I can say about my own experience.

In the end, I still love to say, I love motherhood. And now, am looking forward to becoming a Grandma!

If my job description will be inevitably recycled or repeated, I don't mind at all!

I'll do it again!

Insane? Mad? Crazy?

Anything!

Judy Sheldon-Walker said...

Truer words have never been spoken!

cherie said...

Hello, my dear friends, I can't agree with you more! 'Morning, Grace, Mei, Beth, LV, Willie, Ate Inday (no, you're not crazy - you are one of the best!), and Judy. True words indeed! HUGS!

Icy BC said...

Funny but true!

cherie said...

Right on, Icy!

DebbieDana said...

I can only agree! Actually, it made me smile....It's so true...I only have one child right now....but it already makes me crazy....what more later on......another boy is coming, lol! But.....being a parent is wonderful! I love being a Mommy!!!

Debbie :)

cherie said...

agree all the way with you, deb!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Yes---I have read this one, Cherie. In fact, I think I blogged something similar once. It is VERY good--and all parents need to read it.

Thanks!!!!
Hugs,
Betsy

cherie said...

agree with you totally, ms. betsy!

Ricardo said...

I don't think I'm qualified for this one. LOL!

cherie said...

hahahaha - well, RL, always good to be forewarned! ;)

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